Sugar-coated Lies; So sweet that it stings.

And so it goes.

Pandemonium’s looming in my head now. I have an immense amount of thoughts going through my head.

This lil’ place will seem to make no sense to you if you do not know me well enough, about my life & what’s going on. Gonna fuck care all those linguistics, just gonna let all out even if it makes no sense.

CHAPTER1:

im sorry that i couldnt be there. i know you’d say that it’s alright and it’s okay and stuffs but deep down i fucking hate it when i cant be there for my loved ones when they need me the most. i feel that it’s my responsibility to hold ‘em up for they picked me up when i was the weakest. esp to you C, no amount of words can express the gratitude i have for you in my life and you being there whenever i needed someone, be it a shoulder or sage’s advices. really, i feel so awful to the extent that i lost my appetite at some points of time. i miss you love, and if you see this please stay strong. I know it’s especially hard for you, because of all the things that happened lately (from last year till now), but i’ll be here. Just 8 numbers away, you know it. Nothing between us alright? xoxo.

CHAPTER2:

so much for drama, when i actually hated it. after talking to F, i summed up every single shit. I am the drama myself, ain’t it? F told me that i was the one who was actually linking up everything, like X likes Y and Z did this, done that. Come to think of it, i was actually the one who caused myself all these miseries. why the fuck did i even think so much? it was just a casual goodbye kiss and lil-school girl’s crush thingy. yes. i made a big deal out of everything, and that’s what im good at. so what is S likes S? lol im nobody to deal with it. so what if B made out with the whole wide world? im nobody to deal with it too. in conclusion, i shouldnt give two fucks or more to anything else that im supposed to care for right?

CHAPTER3:

its about the inferiority factor in me again. just yesterday night had played a perfect example. im sorry to be such a liability to you guys whenever this piscean complex kick in. its just that i lost confidence in myself, the way i look, and everything about me. the latest news of T and D getting attached/dating really killed me. okay partially because of the looks, but what in what sense do i “lose” to him…? i keep thinking, am i too nice, or not as nice as D? gg down just to get you a meal and drink knowing you didnt have anything for the day.. perhaps im the one who’s just playing all the impossible scenarios in my mind. yeah it is, im pretty good at that. well nonetheless i wish you both the best. i must really thank A and TH for giving me so much encouragement……. i’m not trying to fish for compliments, neither am i demanding attention or whatsoever fuck. i just want someone to understand how i really feel and accept me for who i am. A said that i have my charms and my charisma can win anyone over…… I dont wanna argue about that but i really doubt i have any charms, moreover charisma. ive lost confidence about myself i need time to pick myself up. as what TH had said, “one day someone will know, treasure and value your true worth”, i really wish it does happen.

CHAPTER3:

it’s about gtown. as much as the little confidence i have in myself, i have as much faith in this circle. it’s going nowhere. 6 years. 6 damn years for me to open my eyes wide, not everyone’s like me. perhaps im just the fucking old fashioned loser who truly believes in finding true love, condones sex without love and kisses without feelings. such a fool id say. laugh at me for all you want, but it’s my personal convictions and beliefs. im just gonna leave this place, for a little while. or maybe permanently. i will never know. it’s just too much for me to handle right now. though there’s nothing much gg through in my life, id just want things to be simple and get out of all the drama, seeing people change into someone else i dont know anymore. esp J. im sorry for putting you through all these pain, but changing into someone like a slut, really marks yourself down in the blackbooks of my mind.  guess i broke too many hearts and it’s just karma getting back at me. and anyways back to topic, from then i’ve learnt to grasp only within reach from all the pain and hurt ive experienced for reaching higher and falling harder. Some people are just meant for the eyes, not for the heart. and note to self: do not think too much that people are interested in you when they talk to you. it’s just courtesy to reply. GET THAT FUCKING NOTION IN YOUR HEAD BITCH.

CHAPTER4:

i believe that the new people are gonna phase out the old ones left. SC? i guess you can change it to S-Come&go-as-you-wish. the feeling isnt the same anymore. the warmth isnt there anymore. everyone’s changed, Z, A, S. its just you and me left bestie W. i feel so helpless that such a great clique turned out to be a disappointment. or perhaps i just got my hopes too high. it’s nice to have new people joining, but not all the time esp when it seems like theyve just replaced the old regulars. i wonder where it is where we still call ourselves one clique. probably in the past. it all makes no sense that the one who held these people singlehandedly kinda broke everything, yet saying we’d be staying strong. weird. i make no sense either.

Im too tired to type everything im thinking now because im sitll thinking about lots of stuffs. just too exhausted from the crying and thinking. i may be weak, but im not as weak as you all think i am. i dare say my willpower is there and i can if i want it that badly. just fyi, i managed to pull through my fucking 24km routemarch with lung infection and high fever alright. im flawed in my own ways and if you cant take it, i feel sorry for you cos you’re just another nobody who tries to be someone in my life. you dont.

[edit]

obviously i do not want drama in my life anymore and i’d get through ways and means to not have it. trust me, i will.

[/edit]

Men are born between a woman’s legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in between them. Why? Because there’s no place like home.

hello-beautiful:

(Source: tranquilinsanitesx)

“Personality over looks”

Such a lie. When you first meet someone, their looks attract you, and then their personality makes you stay, or makes you leave. It’s never really personality first, and then you stay because of their looks.

(Source: changsterjey)